On october and its weather

Book: The ministry of utmost happiness 

October is one the most beautiful times around the world. The weather is gorgeous, neither too hot nor too cold. This shift in the mood of weather is palpable in plants which like a loyal lover obey this change and alter their colors too. They let go of old grieves and prepare to welcome snow. Winds add a tinge of dopamine to this love affair and take away pale aged leaves. In short, its fall and everyone is out, uplifted and happy. However, there are some people who are actually falling this time of the year, as quietly as those poor leaves and they are not even part of a love story. They are medical students. For them, October is all about staying indoor surrounded by their books and drowning in a sea of anxiety. For past five years, I happen to be a part of this marginalized community and I can empathize with those abandoned leaves. However, five years of practice teach you some detoxing tricks. I’m sure everyone has his own therapies developed over the years to add a bit of dopamine to this time. I have developed a love-hate relationship with this part of my year because although my social life ceases to exist, my sleep cycle gets a mid-life crisis and I whine like no end, there are things that I enjoy doing. Oh, those silver linings!

1) These days make me eat more and better. Being an underweight person, I have a very dysfunctional relationship with food. My satiety threshold can be compared to an ant's and my motivation to make myself something to eat is even lesser than a panda's motivation to procreate. But these days help me push limits effortlessly because first, cooking serves as a nice escape from the study and second, it’s an amazing therapy. A nice meal is a powerful mood lighter for me. Since I'm mostly too broke to have a personal stash of chocolates; it’s a cheap and convenient way to find some happiness in my otherwise miserable state of life!

2) It helps me plan my life. As silly as it sounds the hours I spend daydreaming during exam preps are incredibly productive in a long run. I plan my career, travel destinations, ways to save money for future endeavors (money that will come after I pass those exams though), bucket list I'm going to follow, before 30 goals, blah blah; the list is endlessly unrealistic! Don’t think It’s all happy and nice. These thoughts soon get darker and fill my head with the sadness of closures I never had, the guilts I couldn’t let go and embarrassments I had to endure in past life. This is where I go back to point no. 1 and make myself a sandwich! Anyway, although they are daydreams, they help me narrow down a few realistic goals that I put down in my notepad and follow afterward.

3) They make me write more because somehow, these are most creative days. It has something to do with the alertness of brain or perhaps the introvert-ness that comes with these days. In any case, I sit down to think and ideas come rushing! Even right now, all I sat down to write was a caption for a photograph of breakfast that I made myself (and It wasn’t even a very nice picture) but I've written a huge essay effortlessly. I love it though so, I realize my real passion is writing now. So, reality checks, way to go!

4) They increase my productivity in every way. Although I sleep A LOT to cope up with the stress and also generally I'm a sleepy person (Another way I believe I can compete with pandas) these days are comparatively more productive even in a non-study sense. The main reason is the realization of time I spend on social media. Every minute I spend on social media gives me a guilt trip so, I try to do something productive in that time. When I don't feel like studying (which is a lot, to be honest), I read a book or watch something fun. So, that consistent useless scrolling of Facebook and Instagram is replaced by new things I discover!

5) These days tend to give a significant level of self-awareness. You observe how your body reacts to stress and how your mind deals with various situations. These self-realizations, disappointing most of the times though, help you trace your future strategies and life choices. Because let's not kid ourselves, life is going to get harder and blind optimism serves no good in long run. These days bring us closer to reality and help us take a more pragmatic approach. Since this is my last year, I have gotten a fair idea about the career path that will suit me in life which is a major decision in most of the doctors’ lives. See, it's not all terrible!

So, somehow if I don’t fall in love with October due to its weather, I love it for a strange kind of discipline it brings in my life. I experience it in peace and silence of final hours of the night that most people miss out. This is the part where you might be expecting me to say I will miss these days next year. Well, the truth is that I won’t! Because no matter how amazing a love-hate relationship sounds, It’s always a good riddance when it ends!